Anxiety Redux

I got to spend the entire afternoon in the pouring rain, in one of my new recurring roles – chauffeur. I was reminded of the opening of Gosford Park, with the lady’s maid standing in the pouring rain, showing her ladyship how to get the top of her thermos jug of coffee. It rained buckets, and helping my Dad in and out of the car with his walker – even with an umbrella left me soaked through to the skin. Waterrepellant raincoat – shirt jacket – long sleeve T- shirt : a combination not up to the task. I didn’t wear my wellington boots, so since I positioned the car exits ideally for the walker – that left me in the pools and gutters awash with water. Wet, I was.

I don’t know how to describe how distressed I was by the viewing of the abradement treatment being undergone at the wound center. I don’t want to try to describe it – but when the ulcerations in the skin are being measured in centimeters, and there are more than one – to apply the cliche perfectly – it was not a pretty sight.

I am still in shock from it. Next time, I think it will be better for me to pop in to talk to the Doc at the end. I am getting nauseated and shaky now just remembering. It is sad to think of it being my father in this state. Poor guy. He is bearing up well. After all, in comparison to amputating his leg, this seems on the “upside”.

I am feeling really beaten down spiritualy.

Drumming Again

On a brisk first day of spring, I was able to rejoin our reconstituted drum circe. They have met two Mondays already – but today was the first day I could go. Roldan is right – it is very good therapy for a Monday-back-t0-workaday-life.

It was a bit chilly and just barely warm enough in our somewhat temporary quarters on the patio at the East End Cafe. We have unofficial permission to be there – just until someone complains. If someone does, we are outta there. The Cafe is hesitant to give us official permission until it is warmer for logic that makes sense only to them. Warm weather -more beer guzzling patrons on the porch – already rowdy ??? I dunno.

It was a feast on many levels, and fingers stayed warm as long as the rhythm was working. No loungers tonight – the dilettante drummer who is there, but just barely. Just us – who need to eat of this experience on a regular basis. Roldan-Duane-Tony-me-and NewGuy or hence he will be called until I pick up on his name. Crazy Roldan and Duane were drinking cold dark beer out there where we could see every breath. I had a mug of Irish coffee that could do dual duty – handwarmer or heartwarmer – whichever.

There is talk of Sunday drumming again in Wilmington when the weather is warmer.

I collected some phone numbers and Roldan did a double take. On the top of the page for U-V-W was my late friend Sylvester Urquhart’s name and number. Turns out Sylvester was a friend to us both for the last 10 years of his life, but until last fall Roldan and I had never met. I treasure the print of Sylvesters “The King” that is framed in my hall. Like Gibby Perry, he is one who taught me many things. We were both strugging with giving ourselves permission to be our artist self when Sylvester and I first met now nearly 20 years ago. I am reminded that I need to use this gift of mine for a longer life than his to good purpose.

Dreaming About the Creative Pulse Again

I had the oddest dream. It was the first day back at the Creative Pulse. I was one day late. It had been moved to the UCLA campus in Westwood, and I didn’t know that. I spent the longest most anxious time trying to find out what building we were in, and with a surge of relief and a measure of joy I finally found my way back.

I had to jump right in to – you guessed it – personal performance – without the benefit of one day to have mental transitions. It was – jump out of car (parked illegally of course) – run around campus in a frenzy – personal performance. Talk about a “cold reading”.

Nor was anyone was thrilled to see me. There were three or four first year students that were hypercritical of everything – and they had already formed the “critic’s claque” in record time. I was up on their chopping block after my personal performance, which was put through a critical wringer, in which I had to defend nearly every aspect of myself, including my right to breathe the same rarified air as themselves. It was as if the personalities from the judges of American Idol or Project Runway were being channeled through these members of our group. [ Of course in the dream, I didn’t ask myself what 1st year students would be doing in the 2nd year performance group anyway ]

The dream progressed from terror to worse – until I had to wake up. I can see the face of this one young woman so clearly – she had made it her mission in life to prove that my whole premise for art and life was a cop-out for the untalented, undisciplined, and undeserving. Most of the time, I get anxious about what all is left to be accomplished in this field project year. This time I was glad to wake up and still be in Dela-where?.

Dad Comes Home Tomorrow

With both legs and feet – so far anyway. A few of the toes on his right foot are goners, but there seems to be no pressing need to deal with them. The hospital care worker and rehab doctor seem very sanguine about the prospect of discharging my father. I do not share their equanimity, but I do share their optimism.

The hard part is now to come. How to remain steadfast in my committment to preserve time and space, especially mental space for me – and my work – however silly it may seem to others, and especially to my father. He expressed such confidence that he doesn’t foresee the need for any extra home help workers – because he has me.

Aha. Well. Yes. And No. Unlike my mother, I don’t anticipate any excessive sturm and drang in trying to balance what my father’s needs may be, with what I need to do. He is the ultimate scientist – always reasonable when presented with adequate and accurate data to make decisions.

In the immediate short term I am not too worried. It is the longer term that has the more expensive emotional consequences.

What are Your Intelligences?

Cognitive functions and dominance are related to the various intelligences but each intelligence can use different cognitive functions in one or both brain hemispheres. To assess yourself on the scales of the MI categories, you can try:
Interactive Multiple Intelligence Test

When I took it this is what it said about me:

Linguistic Linguistic=2828
Mathematics Mathematics=2323
Visual/Spatial Visual/Spatial=4646
Body/Kinesthetic Body/Kinesthetic=4343
Naturalistic Naturalistic=2929
Music Music=2727
Interpersonal Interpersonal=2929
Intrapersonal Intrapersonal=4141

Interpreting Results

Higher scores indicate areas of possible strength. In most cases user profiles will include one or more areas of strength, or peaks in the bar chart. Review your own results for “peaks”. Do those results parallel the understanding you have of yourself?

Read about eight styles of learning to learn more about the characteristics associated with each of the multiple intelligences, and take the Multiple Intelligences Workshop to learn about MI theory and instructional strategies for multiple intelligences.

The web site with this test was conceived in 1998 by Liz Bogod, an adult with learning disabilities.

About The Paw

Some have inquired why the web address for this blog is ""

Why the Paw ?

As part of the requirements of our first year field project in the Creative Pulse program at the University of Montana in Missoula, we are required to footprint our process. This is the exact wording of our request – footprinting . As it happens the grizzly is the UM mascot and the "GrizPaw" logo is a common decoration on UM related gear. I myself have I have a pair of pajamas with a large grizpaw on the butt. At home, "the paw" is also a recurring them. "Not the Paw" is one of my most repeated phrases in training of my Samoyed, Lady. She wants to show her love through touching – and getting "the paw" is a daily event. "No Lady – Not the Paw!!!"

It was a natural synthesis – footprinting – grizzlies – the paw. Hence the ID for this blog at:

In meandering the internet in search of the visual of the GrizPaw, an accidental typo led to the link to the Explore North web site dedicated to the exploration of the circumpolar North of Murray Lundberg, among other things a historical tour guide to the Alaskan Highway. This photograph captures the essence of the footprinting in Buskers, Bloggers, and Being. It is traveling through uncharted and risky territory, whose native denizens are fearsome creatures demanding great respect.

Footprinting in the Sand

In the Year I Was Born:

Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norkay reach the top of Mt. Everest
The first color television sets go on sale for about $1,175
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury is published
Elvis Presley records for the first time

I wonder how much $1,175 in 1953 USD is equivalent to in 2005 USD? And if that still makes a color television set more expensive than a wide flat screen HDTV?

Blogthings – It actually is a Site

It has silly quizzes – and one that isn’t so silly:

It also can tell you What Rejected Crayon Are You? – this one is totally wacked.

One of My All Time Faves:

What Crappy Gift You Are –

I Am a Losing Lottery Ticket!

Full of hope and promise.
But in the end, a cheap letdown.

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What Crappy Gift Are You?

and I had a blogger twin and didn’t know it!!!!!!

My Famous Blogger Twin is Wil Wheaton

You’re a friendly, funny guy (or girl) next door
With more than a touch of geekiness

Blogthings – Cool Stuff To Put In Your Blog
where else but at

Are You Right Brained or Left Brained?

I took this quiz and it may not be terribly scientific, but it isn’t too far off.
My results were:

You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you’re left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you’re right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

You can try the quiz yourself:
Are You Right or Left Brained?