Finding Deep Space – Mine

Okay so I like wordplay on titles, and yes Deep Space Nine was/is my favorite in the Star Trek series. It is apropos – the development of that series was as much an exploration of the inner space of the characters, even to the supremely metaphysical Prophets, as it was about exploration of outer space in the Gamma quadrant.

I have been going on Wednesday nights to the singer/songwriter open mike evenings at 4W5. I can’t go to blues night on Thursdays, and for whatever reason I have yet to feel a need for bluegrass on Tuesdays. Polly and I have been chatting and she is determined to have 4w5 to become a networking place for artists of all kinds.
I stopped by on the Art Loop night last Friday, and there was some event that had been planned well in advance to coincide with our “second friday” Art Loop activiites. Somehow the doyenne at the Arts Council who oversees the PR and publication of Loop events “forgot” to include 4W5 activities in the September itenerary. When this was brought to her attention, Polly reports that she tried to justify it by lamely making some remarks about 4W5 being “in the dead zone after all”.

It is all I can do to de-activate my CYNICISM about doyennes in the arts in Wilmington, Delaware – “The Place to Be Somebody” [ our city’s slogan ] Well, I can understand how developing a thriving center at the grassroots does not fit into the old mode of the aristorcrats who patronize the arts. In the former, the artists themselves are empowered. In the latter, the power is in the patrones – and if you don’t compliment Queen Marie Antoinette’s voice sufficiently – you may find yourself on the outs completely.

It was an interesting collection of singer-songwriters tonite. Ranging from some who actually are more tonally challenged than I myself, to a few kickass writers and performers. All told there was a very modest crowd of about 12-15 folks. The 12 were the performers who took turns according to “rules” I couldn’t easily discern, and three of us who were there to be an audience. I had a chat with a few of the strongest players when they were not on stage in the outer cafe. When asked if I sang I answered immediately “No. ” and then I said “yes” and then I had to explain.

I found the environment to be one where it is so much easier to find my way in to my own deep space. The absolute bliss of the Creative Pulse experience is that it is a context that one gets to almost live in their deep creative space constantly for weeks at a time. This is one of the aspects of the ‘crash” of re-entry into normal mundane living space after the residence work of the Pulse has ended for the summer. Working at 4w5 even though it might have seemed that I was oblivious to all the singing going on, it was such a great place to just think. I started on finalizing my personal calling card, and ended up filling page after page after page in my sketchbook. It was nice to realize that the level of thinking I had touched in Missoula could be regained on my own, somewhere else.

Polly and I have known each other for several years now since the time my Dinosaur was in front of the Grand Opera House. At the time I never knew how participating in that public art project would help in gaining entree into the arts world beyond the ballet blacklist. If all it did was gain me the friendship of Polly it was worth it. She is such a huge booster of the artists she has come to know personally, and a fervent networker. I have been invited to join a new drum circle that begins on Monday, September 20. Holy cow- who woulda thought that I would be using my drumming apprenticeship so soon and so directly? And Polly is enthusiastic about getting me into an informal group of Wilmington women’s artists who have regular potluck meetings.

I am appreciative on such a profound level, that the usual giddy elation at extreme good fortune has seemed to pass me by. However, I am trying not to over anticipate either of these activities so that I can go and see and feel them for what they are, not what I might so deeeply want them to be.

Charley, Frances, Ivan and other Tempests

Not living in Florida or on Caribbean ocean, this year’s hurricane season is not too strenuous – other than to produce a lot of intermittent showers and continuous overcast skies. Ivan is pushing all weather systems in SE US ahead of him and instead of them moving in their more usual W-E pattern, they are all moving NE – which means here in the First State we are getting all of the rain. Memories of Isobel are still pretty fresh, so compared to the photos of my friend in Tampa Florida area, there is a lot to be thankful for, even though I used my old umbrella so much it has broken.

I am in a mental funk as I have been sunk into a low barometric period of my health – and although not as constant as before, it is still frustrating. My husband’s return gift from his mini-vacation in Arizona was a wicked flu. I seemed to be doing OK until Saturday around 1 pm. Then it all hit me and I was laid pretty low for a few days. The hard part was missing all that I had planned, my trip to NYC to see Tribute in Light on 9/11 anniversary, the celebration party for my sister , and my dance performance. I have performed as a dancer through a lot of aches, and pains with the help of liniment, NSAIDS, and acupressure. I have sung with pneumonia -it is a lower chest ailment which at the time seemed not to affect the upper respiratory & vocal area too much. However, it is near impossible to dance with a flu that has involved the ears – if the room seems to be spinning when you are not moving, it is a sign that it time to sit down.

I had only 2 class meetings on Monday for a total of 3.5 hours, so I struggled through the day without actually cancelling class, though I was far from tip-top.

Nothing that I have missed is too dreadful in the big picture, but I have spent so much of my life in previous years this way, I get absolutely depressed now when I do get sick. It is time to strategize to rebuilt my internal momentum.

I planted my own 9/11 tribute in light in my yard on saturday, when it became evident that travelling to NYC was not a wise decision. One difference between Newark, DE and Missoula MT – I don’t think anyone would have stolen the candles in Missoula, which happened here on Monday.

Remembrance and Obscurity

I looked in every calendar of events locally, and the only place in DE that is doing anything remotely 9/11 related is in the southern part of the state, and it is more of a Patriotic Support Our Troops kind of thing. The community calendar is packed, but three years later, 9/11 is something that barely registers on the public consciousness here in New Castle County, Delaware.

What is bigger news is the impending Democratic primary tomorrow, where the opportunity exists to terminate at the earliest opportunity the candidacy of one of our Democratic hopefuls for County Executive. She has been indicted by a grand jury for all kinds of malfeasance in her current position in county government. She is just the latest in our proud local tradition of elevating cronyism to high public art – it has not been that long since our last batch of county and state officials were caught and served federal time. Her distinction being that she seems to believe that her behavior is a norm, that nothing she has done is wrong, and she can actually get elected, because we the voters will trust that all of the legal procedings (after over 1 yr investigation) is just hoo-haa. It is possible that we can elect a candidate that will be convicted and possibly go to federal prison shortly thereafter. Stranger things have happened.

I need to be somewhere where a lot of people share what I am feeling, and have been feeling this whole week. Regardless of lack of logistical logic, I plan to go see the Tribute in Light. I don’t care if I sit in the park across the river in NJ. It may seem illogical to spend over 6 hours in transit to be somewhere for just a few hours. It seems the right thing to do: Vote and go to the Big Apple. Yes, sounds like a plan.

Remembrance of a 700 Hour Day

I have been feeling very moody and tearful, and find myself becoming emotional at the least sentimental thing. It is that time of year. I just realized that the Democratic primary in Delaware is on Saturday, September 11. Now that poses a dilemma. This year I was determined to see the Tribute of Light in person. However, I also know that I have to vote against Ms. Freebery – our indicted candidate for County Executive. I have the opportunity to vote against her twice, and can’t let that go by. What a dilemma.

This is the first year I could actually watch Seven Days in September. I have forgotten nothing. Although, this is the first time I have watched footage of the WTC collapse and could actually have tears. Before the pain was too much deeper than for just crying.

and you know it was bound to happen – it is now an “official tour” in Nyc
www.yourownskin/com – book on reminiscenses – author published
Tuesday’s Children
Digital Archive


“When you have seen the radiance of eternity . . . when you follow your bliss, and by bliss I mean that deep sense of being in it and doing what the push is out of your own existence . . . doors will open where you would not have thought there were going to be doors.”—Joseph Campbell