From Ohio to Delaware

I have the crappiest computer ….

Wrote a new clown skit on the way home.  a tear jerker set to the Leonard Cohen song “Hallelujah”.  Can’t use the lyrics but the music has perfect accompaniment and versatility to help tell the story.  Not too many instrumental recordings of it out there.  A challenge to find a pianist …. but then I could “score” it to the piece.

It is a little story of why I became a clown … about holding on to hope when there is no rational reason to do so.  I was writing the professional paper and had to go back in time to the pit of bleakness, when I would just cry buckets when I read “Along the Green Velvet Path”.  {find that quote}

it is a reality that I have accepted that “home” is something I may never have.  It is a tragic when your personal growth takes you so far past the vision and values of those who were your first family and home.  You may be able to visit and “pass” again when you return, but the heartbreaking fact is that the truth of you is not really welcome.  You wander through life with the deep desperation to reconnect, to find a community to replace the one you have lost.  Someone once defined home as the place that they have to take you in.  I may have a few places that I can come and perch – I am fortunate in my sisters and brother.  But outside that – I am a wandering soul.  I belong nowhere – there is not one place, group, community that I’ve ever found that really wants me – all of me, the truth of me.  The closest I’ve ever found is the gay community – a welcome in the group of those similarly outcast for daring to live truth of themselves openly.  But not being gay myself …. well, I really don’t belong there either.

This was a piece of me that was ripped open for inspection in the “Place” seminar of the 2nd year of the Creative Pulse.   I had to stop and face this seeking that had been going on since I had been six.  Always hoping to find “my place”, but never finding one that would celebrate the entire truth of me.

that is why the clown is so appropriate.  she can be accepted everywhere but really belongs nowhere.

Passed my “First of May” Milestone

quick notes:

  • Vivi the girl needs to ALWAYS wear the girl type hair – this look is more Vivi the sophisticate fashion plate.
  • I shoulda worn the cuffs turned up. NOte: always try ON your socks too with the whole outfit. buy more overthe knee socks – lots more.
  • have more courage to be out there and clown. dont think so much. enjoy more.
  • clowns don’t do balloons. BUBBA says so. good. unless they clown with balloons
  • venue = volume. great costume for clown therapy, but a little “soft” in parade venue. could get similar outfit with diff jacket and higher “volume” for parades. and wear the cuffs UP!!!!
  • Lady needs clown collar for hot days. even today was too hot for her cape.
  • Not all clowns are friendly. Not all clowns want to clown in face when in the alley. Sadly, not all clowns want to clown in a parade.
  • Wish my flower hadn’t broke. Wish my makeup was better. Wish I had worn my overall cuffs up.
  • If I am representing a therapy clown in a parade, be the kinder gentler clown when in the up close moments, but OK to be broader clown in the street.  tell dog jokes. when up close in “parade petting” mode:  make jokes about the dog.  make jokes about the dog getting all the attention. etc etc etc
  • L00k needs to match CHARACTER needs to match MOVEMENT and VOICE.

VIVI ann & Toby

Glasgow MT – West Fargo ND

vistied with Meg in Poplar. ate great enchilads, but then again she made them for me – sin chiles.
drove over Lake Sakakawea in ND – Audubon Wildlife preserve nearby
Streets with high numbers like 100 ST NW – interesting
Obviously ranching here in ND badlands – more farming further east we got.
Began thinking about found objects sculpture using hay bales in field. interesting sight when bales are there and field has sprouted green again all around

Kalispell MT to Glasgow MT

drove on Road to Sun through Glacier park. took videos and pics.
stopped at Lodgepole Gallery on Blackfeet Picuni rez. genuine NativeA art gallery – met owner – great work. you can spend the night in a tipi here if you want.
had lunch in Havre – the big metropolis of Hi-Line. saw lots of “4 for 2” signs all along the way.
one town had sign “596 good people and 1 sour puss” or something like that.
easy to find time to think here

Kalispell MT to Kalispell MT

went on bear hike with Prof Charlie Jonkel sponsored by Glacier Institute
the only field reporter from local ABC station in Kalispell came along – her story on “Montana Treasures”
learned about grizzly food and denning – after lots of bushwhacking around finally found special twin tree den.
stuck my hand in grizzly den which isn’t too problematic in late July. got a great pic too.
absolutely great day.