It is end of the day on Friday. I am calm and clear but still a little sad. I know it is from all that is going on “out there” that I have stepped away from for awhile.
I was glancing back over some of my notes from the beginning last year. The questions I asked myself on Day 1 2004 are as valid now as when I first wrote them.
What is it that I am to GAIN from the Creative Pulse experience?
What is it that I am to TAKE FORTH when I leave?
I remarked to Randy Bolton that the obstacle (subtle as it may be) for the second year is to think that you have it under control – I know the program now. And then you coast. And by not putting forth the rigor that was demanded in the difficulties of adjusting in the first year, you miss out on the advancement you might have gained otherwise. I was so hypervigilant last year in just confronting all of the strangeness that I had to be engaged every moment. I notice that now I am a little more comfortable, that when I feel a bit overwhelmed I can start shutting off. I am not counting falling asleep in Kriley’s lecture yesterday … that was pure fatigue.
As a matter of fact, I drove out to Finnigan’s to finish my Survivor Story homework, and when I parked my car, I sort of sighed from relief. I clicked the seat back a few notches, told myself I was going to take a minute to relax and think about the premise for my story. I fell asleep in my car until 6:00 am. I was cold, and I woke up. I ran the heater and in the early morning threshed out the remaining requirements for my survivors, although I totally forgot about making a plan to get the damn thing printed out in time for class. Silly me.
I was thinking about what it was I was to do this year. I spoke in opening circle about the Pulse being a buffet that I came – and I ATE. It was quite a challenge enough last year for me to take care of me. This year I want to concentrate on connecting with others. There are lessons for me to learn here I am sure. I suddenly realized it was all right to be more selective about sampling the dishes from the Pulse buffet – I did have personal passions that I did want to explore and there was nothing wrong with narrowing of the focus. However, I am still easy to be open to uncritically accept whatever tidbits the faculty might present as requirements.
For example ….
Today in Critical/Creative Thinking, haiku was the medium of individual exploration. Now to be honest, haiku is one sampling from the smorgasbord of creative options that I have encountered before. It is a crudité that is a bit too sweet and sour for me to swallow. However it is on the menu of choice at the moment, and as it is said: “Take and eat.” Our groups agreed upon a site and object to focus on for the haiku, and were to sit individually for awhile and write 5 haiku. Then we were to agree upon 5 as a group presentation for Monday. I am a little giddy from fatigue and linear and symbolic thinking in this frame of mind for me can be quite a chore. I was sitting there and truly NUTHIN was working. So I started strategizing …. What if I wrote a haiku with my eyes closed? What if I wrote from the perspective of the lily plant? Then I saw a really shiny new green leaf growing up between a bench and the planter. I was so shiny and new and looked very perky, hopeful and a bit insouciant in its attempt to grow in such an odd place. Just a sort of haiku moment I thought. This gave me my only good haiku:
Persistent new curl
Shining veined leaf, new promise
Growing out of place
We also had to write a haiku about either of our profs today. I wrote:
Lumbering deep bear
Demands granite encounter
Wields gentle scalpel
Okay – time to figure out dinner and type up a few more things.