I went to NY Goofs Winter intensive. It was sorta a rerun of Clown School only in fast forward…. psychologically and emotionally. It was a Friday nite, and Saturday, Sunday affair. Friday nite after the session, I went back to the B&B and went through the emotional loop I experienced at Clown School.
“I want to do well” ”I want Dick Monday to think I do well” ”I want Jeff Gordoon to think I do well” and so on and so forth so much so that I was all wrapped up in self consciousness and anxiety to do well at all.
I unplugged that loop of roof brain chatter in time to be able to be more open and receptive on Saturday. I was able to work again with Dr. Molar Magic and I met some interesting new people too. On Sunday in the middle of afternoon, Tiffany came back with a crew of some of the “most famous” in the clown world, and had the comment ”Look who I found skulking around Times Square”. So not only was I working with Monday and Gordoon, but Christensen, Lubin and a few others were added to the mix. I had the opportunity to suck in front of a whos who of clowns. however …..
something wonderful happened for me. On sunday I had been doing much better than ever. Nothing like a session of Slo-Mo pantomime fighting to just relax and break down psychological barriers. Later we had been doing the hitchiker duo setup - where one person is driving, and picks up the other. the “passenger” brings a mood, and the driver just has to go there! I was beginning to find that place where improv can be allowed to happen. Then we were doing the Caveman-Discover premise in which you work in a trio and are given the task of discovering something. We were tasked with discovering “dancing”. I was working with Dr. Molar (Bruce) and a well know hospital clown. The hospital clown was in the auguste role, and knew how to use it to help us other stumbler and fumblers out. I fell into the contra-auguste role, and Bruce was the White clown role. I had a breakthrough, and finally (FINALLY) found the rhythm of working with others …. relaxing and letting the flow …. flow. I finally was not STiFF. We played it out, and we had all those “famous’ clowns laughing.
And Monday did notice that I had made a breakthrough. The funny thing was, as I was getting ready to leave, I knew myself that I had done well, and the fact that he also noticed that I had was only gravy. It probably is not possible for me to convey how significant this weekend was for me in my vision of myself, and my confidence for the future plans.
