Post Deconstruction and Post Reconstruction

I am just plain tuckered out physically, but refreshed a bit mentally and creatively. On my way home from Aole and Studio 5, my mind was more creatively clear than it had been in months.

What to say about the Fitzmaurice workshop facilitated by Aole Miller. It is an intimate workshop that is held once a month for a half dozen people. All of us participants got to know each other a bit, in a setting outside of our normal arena, which makes for a baseline of honesty in interpersonal relations. Our expectations of ourselves and others are changed when working intimately in the company of strangers. My compadres were Adam, a damn good young actor currently a student at Atlantic; Bobi - a very young French transplant who is very serious about honing her craft, and Susan, who I called “Susana” in my head, a woman nearer my age but probably at least 10 to 15 years younger, a Pilates expert, and longtime actor. and of course, Elsie-cat, the clown-girl walking down a very new step of her journey.

This was my second attempt to go to this workshop. The first time I couldn’t make it as I had prepared only in the physical and practical aspects. I hadn’t given myself a minute to mentally or spiritually process prior to the night before, and the anxiety built to such a level, I could not sleep. Not to mention having to deal with the frenzy-energy of my husband whenever he is going a-traveling. The logistics we planned required a very early morning start - too early for me. I was completely spent even before I left the house. I hadn’t realized how much like stepping off the cliff doing this was going to be for me. Working in a small group of “real actors”. How stupid would I seem? Could I do it?

Realizing that I hadn’t allowed acknowledgement of my mental/spiritual energy, I sort of rectified it for my second stab at this. I really had to just tell my husband to jump of a cliff, and I was going to process this one step at a time at my own pace. If that meant the “planning and scheduling” that makes him comfortable wouldn’t occur, then he just plain didn’t have to participate. This was about me and my develoment, not a couples weekend away. Even though I wasn’t 100% certain I was even going until Friday night, it all worked out one way or another - step by step. To save money, I wanted to drive up partway the night before, so I wouldn’t have to get up in the wee early dawn hours. This was something that was going to require immense physical and mental energy - I needed to be reasonably rested.